RECIPE: Creamy tomato and turmeric cannellini beans

So good it might go viral on TikTok... someday.

Every few weeks I attempt to make a splash on TikTok, which has not been a totally successful endeavor, but intriguing nonetheless.  Lately I’ve been dabbling with food content. First I recorded myself making cookies, which no one seemed to really care about.  Then I thought I’d scandalize TikTok with anchovy shortbread.  Also, not a viral sensation.

After those underwhelming TikTok performances, I figured I should do some research.  What food are the influencers making these days?  Well, based on my feed (pun INTENDED), I noticed that I’m constantly served (MORE PUNS) videos that begin with pots of wet, gloppy beans.  Usually there’s a dollop of dairy floating on top — maybe yogurt, perhaps a puddle of buttermilk — and inevitably, someone sticks a piece of crusty bread into the mess, swirling it around in a visceral and sexy way. Most of the time, the bread provocateur is a British lady with bangs and a cooing voice, which really ups the sensuality factor. What Nigella Lawson could have done with TikTok back in the day…

@natsnourishmentsBeans beans bean #veganfyp #foodfyp #vegantok #foodtok #cannellinibeans #beans

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Anyway, my would-be viral content is clearly lacking sexiness; so I thought I would try the ol’ wet bean trick out.  I don’t have bangs, but I can fake a British accent if need be.

The perfect opportunity for this experiment popped up recently when I returned home from a party after 10 PM but hadn’t eaten dinner yet.  I was determined to use my pantry ingredients, and since I had a can of Great Northern beans hanging around, I knew it was time to whip up some sort of wet beans.

First I gathered ingredients:  aside from the beans, I had spinach, feta, dill, garlic, lemon and an onion. Plus, for the all-important dairy dollop: sour cream!  It seemed like I was heading towards a Greek-influenced, spanakopita-adjacent experience.  No complaints!

I started by dicing and sauteeing my onion until it was translucent (I also threw in some minced garlic towards the end). Next I added the beans and figured I would cook them until they were tender (or more tender, considering they were already pre-cooked).  I then added spinach so the leaves could wilt while the beans were getting to whatever state I vaguely wanted them to get to.  In the back of my mind, I was trying to trace the footsteps of Colu Henry’s famous “Creamy White Beans With Herb Oil” but unfortunately I didn’t quite remember any of the recipe, and I couldn’t access it on my phone since I was busy recording all this for my TikTok masterpiece.  All I knew was that I had to cook beans in onions and then maybe add liquid and and herbs? (Actually it’s much more than that and yet also much simpler than what I wound up doing)

At this stage in the process, everything seemed well on its way towards success, but the dish was severely lacking a “wet” component, which you may remember is a key aspect of viral impact (as determined by me).  The obvious choice would be to add some chicken stock to the skillet, but for some strange reason, I opted for a can of diced tomatoes.  Plot twist.

Well, the diced tomatoes changed a lot of things.  First, it pulled me off the spanakopita highway – or at least sent me into an exit-only lane.  I could have theoretically still done a tomato remix on the whole spinach-feta thing, but the problem was that the tomatoes had fully overpowered the spinach.  I decided that despite tomatoes being a huge part of Greek cuisine, it was time to defect for Italy.

The thing with diced tomatoes is that they really need to be cooked down or else they wind up as little, red chunks of sadness.  Unfortunately, with this dish, the more I cooked the tomatoes down, the more liquid I evaporated out of the skillet. Noooooooo!! Not the wetness!  I could see my viral prospects dimming.

And so I stood over that skillet for ten minutes stirring the tomatoes, annoyed that I had gone in this direction — both for the extra time I had now added to the dish and for the moisture I was rapidly losing with every stroke of the wooden spoon.  Since I had not much else to do, I also began the risky process of futzing.  First I added turmeric to make the skillet look appetizingly orange. Then I threw in a random anchovy because a) umami, b) Italian-ness, and c) boredom. 

Eventually the tomatoes softened, releasing liquid that thankfully kept the skillet fairly wet.  Everything tasted nice but imbalanced.  Not enough salt, too much acid, no sumptuous texture. To bump up the flavor, I tossed in some Italian seasonings (a pre-made spice blend that a friend gave me years ago. I turned my nose up at it initially and have since reached for the jar a million times). And to tame the sharpness of the tomatoes, I added some cream, which also had the fringe benefit of providing, well, creaminess.  What I can’t remember is whether or not I added tomato paste.  I feel like I would have.  Let’s say that I did.

Since I had sailed away from Athens and landed in Rome, I put the feta back in the fridge and instead grated some good old reliable parmesan into the dish.  This served triple duty:  more essential umami, more cheesiness, and more seasoning.  Afterwards, I only needed to add a very small amount of kosher salt to balance out the flavors.

My skillet was far from the Dutch ovens full of wet beans that populate TikTok, but I didn’t care.  I was well on the way to an exciting late-night meal.  I toasted up a chunky slice of sourdough and topped with the beans.  And because this was rapidly becoming an NBD Fancy affair, I garnished with a few wide strips of shaved parm and some dill sprigs.  I know dill is not the most Italian ingredient, but it worked here and made me feel elegant.

So, how did this would-be-spanakopita-turned-Italian-something-or-another wind up?  Great.  Truly great.  I’m so happy the diced tomato gamble worked out, but also, is it really a gamble when you’re adding tomatoes and parmesan to a dish?  Probably not.  Chances are I probably stumbled my way into some rustic, Tuscan bean dish without even realizing it.  I’ll let the regional culinary experts weigh in on that front.  For now, I’m just delighted that I improvised a successful late night bean dish… AND made a fun video out of it.  I’m sure it will go viral someday, right?  Until then, I’ll be eating beans.

Oh, and for those who want to see this famous video, here it is:

@benmandelkerI whipped up a late night meal with pantry ingredients and odds & ends from the fridge. #cooking #beans #pantry #latenight #nbdfancy

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Below is my best attempt at recreating the recipe but also slightly revising it (for instance, I would add the anchovy earlier in the process).  A prudent food writer would test it out a few more times to make sure the proportions are correct, but I’m recovering from an appendectomy and not really up for kitchen shenanigans. We’re just going to wing these measurements and see how it goes.  Keep an eye on this page though in case I do make updates.

Ben’s Late Night Beans (which might possibly have a real Italian name that he’s unaware of)

Ingredients:

1 onion

4 cloves of garlic

1 glug (about 2 tbs) olive oil

1 anchovy fillet

15.5 oz. can Great Northern / cannellini beans, drained

1 bunch of fresh spinach

1 14oz can diced tomatoes

1 tbs tomato paste (optional)

1 tsp turmeric

1 tsp dried oregano or Italian seasoning blend

8oz parmesan wedge

Salt and pepper to taste

¼ cup heavy whipping cream

2 thick slices of sourdough or whatever bread you like, toasted

1 tsp dill leaves or leafy herb of your choice (optional)

The Steps:

1. Do your prep: peel and dice your onion; peel your cloves of garlic and dice them finely. Cut the spinach leaves from their stems, but leave the leaves whole.

2. Cook the aromatics: Heat a 12-inch skillet on medium-high. Add a glug of olive oil. When shimmering, add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until approaching translucent (about 5 minutes). Add the garlic and anchovy fillet and cook for about two minutes more. Stir constantly so the garlic doesn’t burn. Continue until the anchovy has essentially melted into the aromatics.

   1. If you’re feeling randy, go ahead an add another anchovy!

3. Cook the beans: Add the beans to the skillet and continue to cook for three minutes, stirring occasionally.

4. Add spinach, stirring so the leaves wilt and start to soften. This will take about 3-5 minutes depending on how hot your skillet is. The leaves should be floppy but still have some slight structure.

   1. Trust your eyes on this and don’t freak out about the timing - there’s plenty more cooking to do; so the spinach will have plenty of time to get super tender.

5. Cook the tomatoes: Add the optional tomato paste and stir it around for about 30 seconds, melting it in the oil a bit and getting it all up in the beans. Add the diced tomatoes and all their juices, and then the turmeric and oregano and/or Italian spices. Lower the heat to a simmer and cook for about ten minutes or until the tomatoes are soft and very tender.

   1. If things begin to splatter, lower the heat a few notches.

   2. If the skillet dries out, add a splash of chicken stock, water, or maybe even wine!

6. While the sauce cooks, grate about 1/4 cup of parmesan (but don’t be surprised if you wind up needing/wanting more).

7. Now is a good time to taste the sauce. If it feels like it’s missing something, add some freshly ground pepper and salt. But don’t go crazy because we still have more stuff coming.

8. Add the cream, stirring to mix. Cook for about two minutes.

9. Add the grated parmesan, stirring to mix. Cook until it melts a bit and blends nicely with the sauce, about two minutes.

10. Taste for seasoning again. If the tomatoes are still too sharp, balance them with some salt and/or a little more cream. Do it slowly and taste often until it’s just right.

11. Spoon the beans onto your toasted bread. Shave a few strips of parmesan off the wedge using a vegetable peeler. Place them atop the beans. Add your herb garnish and enjoy!