Breath-Killing Garlic Noodles
Three forms of garlic conspire to keep people away from you.
A few months ago I dove into Sheldon Simeon’s cookbook Cook Real Hawai’i to explore the wonderful world of Pan Sushi Dynamite. It’s a recipe that still lingers in my mind, and I find myself recommending it to friends with the sort of fervor I reserve for Love Island UK (no spoilers). But, as anyone who read the original post may remember, I originally purchased Cook Real Hawai’i not for Pan Sushi Dynamite but to recreate a meal from Simeon’s Maui restaurant Tin Roof. The plan: to someday attempt his Mochiko fried chicken over garlic noodles recipe. I still haven’t mustered the confidence to approach the Mochiko fried chicken part (although, I have since purchased a box of Mochiko in anticipation of sudden inner-strength), but I have made some major progress on the garlic noodles front. Specifically, I made them.
The catalyst was my friend Katherine Spiers, who helms the Smart Mouth substack and podcast as well as the wonderful newsletter How to Eat LA. “I’m gonna grill some stuff from Sheldon’s book Sunday at 1 if y’all want to come over” read her unassuming text last week. With a pitch like that, I couldn’t resist. Plus, selfishly, I knew it would be the perfect opportunity to finally, finally make the garlic noodles I’d been eyeing for over a year.
I don’t really know why I’d put off making the noodles. The recipe is fairly basic: fry some garlic in oil, use that oil to sauté more garlic, toss with noodles and a few condiments, and then enjoy. But sometimes laziness works in strange ways, and despite having purchased some of the more specialized ingredients such as HonDashi instant dashi powder, I just never really got the ball rolling on this dish.
And so there I was Sunday morning, mere hours before Katherine’s grilling sesh, contemplating whether or not I was going to finally cook the noodles or steal a few more hours of sleep. On the one hand, I couldn’t go to a Sheldon Simeon meal and NOT bring garlic noodles. On the other hand, bed.
No. The garlic noodle procrastination would go no further! I would make them! And it would be joyous! Out of the gate, though, I had some concerns about my noodle situation. The recipe calls for fresh saimin, ramen, or chow mein, and I only had instant ramen noodles (instead of fresh). Would this be a cataclysmic mistake? Probably not. But unfortunately, one of my major weaknesses is an extreme desire to follow recipes as faithfully as possible the first time around, especially when cooking for groups. I convinced myself that the instant ramen noodles simply would not suffice. Keep in mind, I was still lying in bed, and it was already 10:45 AM. The time for acquiring last minute substitutions had long past. Logic told me I should just cook with the crappy instant ramen I had, but instead, I put my faith in the Instacart gods, and I’m happy to report that I not only sourced saimin noodles, but they arrived within 45 minutes. Does anyone really need to know this backstory? Not really. But a) I was really excited about finding last-minute saimin, and b) I want to demonstrate the unnecessary time crunch I had created for myself as I waited for said last-minute saimin.
With the clock ticking away, I set about prepping arguably the most important ingredient: the garlic. I chucked about 18 cloves into my new food chopper thing, and I have to say, as food chopper things go, this one is a real beaut. For about two years I languished with an OXO chopper that was so annoying to operate and clean that I stopped using it altogether. Then, over Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law introduced me to the Brieftons Express Manual Food Chopper, and I haven’t looked back. Have I sliced my finger on the device’s lethal throwing star blade? Yes. Do I worry it will happen again? Yes. But have I easily chopped large amounts of garlic, herbs, and pistachios — sometimes all at once??? HELL YES. I love this thing, even if I fear it, and tossing 18 cloves into it felt like the absolute right way to kick off this recipe.
With all the garlic prepped, it was time to embark on the first leg of the noodle journey: making “microwaved fried garlic.” It’s just like it sounds: a small mound of minced garlic covered with oil and nuked in the microwave until golden brown. The process is easy but tedious (even if it lasts for just about four minutes total). It requires lots of heating, stirring, heating again, stirring again. All the while, the bowl gets hotter and hotter and more dangerous to handle. It’s sort of a game of chicken to see how long you can touch the bowl before you graduate to potholders. I’m not sure why this method is better than just using a small saucepan on a stovetop, but I also know better than to question Sheldon.
Once cooked, I passed the mixture through a sieve and drained the minced garlic on paper towels. I was supposed to sprinkle with a pinch of salt and sugar, but I forgot, and I’m okay with that. Meanwhile, I made my saimin noodles following very simple directions: bring water to a boil, add the noodles, and ten let the water come to a boil again. Done.
While the noodles drained, I returned my focus to garlic operations. I heated up some of the reserved garlic oil and added the remaining mound of minced garlic to it. Yes, I was sautéing garlic in garlic oil. [insert requisite vampire joke here].
After a few seconds, I added the noodles and tossed until the minced garlic seemed to be well distributed amongst the saimin. This was a great use case for tongs. Next, I stirred in shoyu (soy sauce), oyster sauce, and instant dashi powder, the latter of which introduced a distinct bonito flake aroma to the proceedings. For those who are seafood-adverse, I can assure you that the fish funk subsided quickly. Thankfully (and oddly), I’m generally pro-fish funk; so the scent wasn’t a problem for me.
At this point, I was basically done. I just needed to slide the noodles into a bowl — might I recommend a slate gray one, if you have it? — and garnish with scallions, the fried garlic, and optional (read: mandatory) sambal oelek. The end result: a simple, gorgeous potluck stunner whose fragrance announces its presence long before it arrives at the table. All in less than an hour — time crunch be damned.
Addictive, robustly garlicky, comforting. I suppose those would be good descriptors for the noodles. I would also throw in “delicious,” “amazing,” and “deeply satisfying.” These noodles are going on my potluck list — assuming I had a potluck list (memo to self: write a potluck list for this newsletter next week). Plus, I’m happy to report that by the time I left Katherine’s home on Sunday, the bowl was scraped clean, and we all had horrific breath.
Notably, Katherine grilled up Sheldon Simeon’s shoyu sugar steak, which brought extreme, if not dangerous, levels of joy to my soul. The pairing with the garlic noodles (as well as some other Hawaiian-themed items) made for a splendid spread and has renewed my desire to poke around Cook Real Hawai’i. Maybe it’s finally time for the Mochiko fried chicken? Or maybe I just go for round two with the noodles.
Anyway, you should really make these noodles. Check out the recipe here.
And here are some notes:
I used saimin noodles. Sheldon says bring water to a boil, drop noodles in, bring to a boil again, and then you’re done. I found the noodles needed another minute or so. Do some taste tests.
You will need more garlic than you expect. Buy some bulk, peeled garlic cloves and save yourself the headache of the prep-work.
There are two recipes at hand: microwave fried garlic + garlic noodles. Simplify your life and mince all the garlic at once (about 18-20 cloves total). A food processor or chopper will make quick work of your cloves. I highly recommend. But, of course, an old fashioned knife will do the trick too.
I keep low sodium soy sauce at home, which is great for my sushi tastes, but sometimes isn’t enough in a recipe. If you’re like me, you’ll need to add extra soy sauce to the noodles. Again, season to taste.
Do you have a garlic noodle recipe you keep up your sleeve? Share it in the comments.
Yum! I gotta try this. I highly recommend his recipe for Pork Belly Adobo which I make often for my family...never any leftovers!
I finally made these tonight and man oh man were they great! I added a little too much sambal but still yummy!